


Burn Notice

by orphan_account



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Lexa is the most in love with candles, but surprisingly not outright crack, the fanfic version of shitposting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-21 05:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6039379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>modern au!lexa the candle vlogger</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“- _and finally, today I picked up America the Beautiful from Yankee Candle. I also got another two Mountain Lodges, but I’m sure you’ve all watched me rave about those enough before, so I’m going to stick to reviewing America the Beautiful. This one’s a gorgeous three layer tumbler candle. Up on top here we’ve got MacIntosh, which I absolutely love; it reminds me of all the fall days I spent in apple orchards as a kid. It’s got that clean, fresh smell of a perfectly ripe MacIntosh apple, and it’s an instant classic. Underneath that is a layer ofVanilla Cupcake. Now this one I took a while to warm up to, but once I did I really started to appreciate the lowkey notes of lemon and buttery icing backing up that strong vanilla aroma. To round it off, we’ve got Blueberry Scone. Now, this one’s a very multi-dimensional scent. It starts off heavy with English quickbread and then blueberries, rich cream, and just the slightest hint of vanilla all sneak right up on you._

_“All in all, this is a rather well-rounded candle. A bit heavy for a day-to-day candle, but if you’re looking for a candle for those really special occasions? This one might be right up your alley. Four stars out of five for America the Beautiful._

_“That’s all for this week on Burn Notice. Thanks for watching, click below to like or subscribe if you enjoyed the video, and tune in next week to hear what Bath and Body Works candle reminds me most of my girlfriend._ ”

Raven reaches out to pause the video before turning to Octavia, her eyes wide. “Holy fuck,” she breathes, and Octavia nods and gestures frantically at the screen, too excited to speak. “Holy _fuck_ , I can’t fucking believe this. Do you think Clarke knows?”

“No, she would’ve said- oh fuck, she’s going there today,” she reaches over to slap at Raven’s leg, “Rae, she’s going there _right now_.”

“What I’d give to see her face when Lexa opens that door.”

* * *

“I’m glad I finally get to see your apartment, babe,” Clarke says with a grin as she kicks her shoes off by the front door. “Lexa Callaghan’s inner sanctum, this is a big deal.”

“I was initially rather hesitant to bring you back here,” Lexa admits, crossing the room to stand in front of a closed door. “I didn’t want to scare you off. You see, my desires are… unconventional.”

“Show me.”

Lexa’s hand pauses on the doorknob, and she glances back at Clarke, pulling her lip between her teeth. “You’re sure?”

“Come on, Lex, how bad can it be? It’s not like you’ve got bodies in your closet, right?”

“Yeah, I guess,” she murmurs, and turns the handle, pushing the door open slowly and revealing the room. 

Clarke steps forward, her breath catching in her throat as she takes in the candles stacked floor to ceiling, covering every wall in the room. She spins around and stares at Lexa in confusion for a few moments before she’s able to find her voice. “What the fuck, Lexa? Why do you have so many candles?!”

Lexa reaches out and picks up a nearby Mountain Lodge jar candle, twisting the lid off and stepping towards Clarke. She raises the candle for Clarke to smell, her lips curving up into a grin. “That’s my big, dark secret, Clarke. I’m a candle vlogger.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is a reluctant guest on Lexa's candle vlog

“Hey guys, welcome back to another episode. As a result of a DMCA copyright takedown order I received from USA Network, this show is moving on from the Burn Notice title. I’m not sure what property they have under that name, but-”

Clarke slides her chair into the shot and looks over at Lexa, her eyebrows climbing her forehead. “Wait, you actually didn’t know that there’s a TV show called Burn Notice? You dragged me to see Spectre _three times_  but you’ve never watched _Burn Notice_? Christ, Lex.”

“I don’t watch TV.”

“Says the girl that spent my entire shift yesterday livetexting me her bingewatch of Jessica Jones.”

“Netflix series barely count as TV shows, they’re more like extended movies.”

“Which is what someone who watches TV would say.”

“Any _way_ ,” Lexa starts, turning the camera so Clarke is half out of frame, “I’m leaving it up to you, my viewers, to suggest a new title for the vlog. I-”

“My vote’s Head a’ Candles,” Clarke chips in as she leans back into frame with a shit-eating grin. “Because I gave you head like twenty minutes ago.”

“Clarke,” Lexa yelps, “not in front of the _candles_!”

“That’s not what you were saying earlier.”

“ _Moving on_ … As you might have noticed, I have my first guest ever on today’s vlog-”

“‘Guest’ isn’t exactly the term I’d use. More like hostage.”

“I asked you if you’d like to film with me and you said yes.”

“You  _bribed_  me into it. I’m just here for the orgasms. And speaking of orgasms, I think your viewers would probably like to know what candles you light when you’re anticipating getting laid, don’t you?”

“Oh my god,  _Clarke_ -”

 Clarke leans forward and grabs a candle off-screen. “Let’s start with this one, yeah?”

“I don’t-”

“She had this one lit on the counter when I came by today. It’s Mountain Lodge by… Yankee Candle, I think?”

“Claaaaarke,” Lexa whines, “they’ve heard enough about that one from me already. Pick another.”

“Wait, you’re actually gonna let me do this, babe? Sweet!”

“Well, I’m going to cut it out in post-production-”

“Don’t you _dare_. You asked me to be in this episode, so I’m going to be in this episode. I made no other promises.”

Lexa buries her face in her hands.

“Right. Lex here had Mountain Lodge out in the living room, and then she goes off into her bedroom to ‘grab something’, which I saw right through. You’re a shit liar, babe, just so you know.”

“Youretheonewhowassextingme,” Lexa mumbles into her palms, and Clarke laughs before leaning over to kiss the side of her head.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, dear. She takes longer than expected, so I go to see what she’s up to, and it turns out she’s lighting candles. And this is Lexa we’re talking about, so it’s not just one. My girl here is lighting a good _fifteen_  candles. Front and centre is Black Currant Vanilla, which is from…”

“Bath & Body Works,” Lexa supplies, and when she shoots a glare at Clarke the tips of her ears are bright red. “It’s from Bath & Body Works. They retired the scent a couple years ago.”

“Right, Bath & Body Works. Shit says ‘sensual’ right on the label, so I guess it’s pretty much made to be lit while you’re getting down and dirty with your girl.”

“I’m not the one who was going down-”

“Oh, don’t worry, you will be tonight.” Clarke smirks, “gotta cash in all those bribes.”

“You’re acting like I’ve never-” Clarke arches an eyebrow, “I _always_ -”

“Oh?”

“ _I am not a bottom_.”

“Lex, not in front of the candles,” Clarke chides, holding back a laugh. 

“Fuck you, ‘not in front of the candles’.”

“ _Or_ ,” Clarke drawls, “you could fuck me in front of the candles.”

Lexa reaches a hand out to the camera and stops the recording.

* * *

Lexa turns the camera back on and runs a hand through her hair with a grin. Her shirt is misbuttoned, and there are telltale smudges of red across the collar. “Well, guys, thanks for watching this week’s Head a’ Candles-”

“Woo!” Clarke crows from off-screen, “I am the winner!”

“I think we both won, babe,” she calls back. “As always, if you liked this video you can subscribe below, and tune in next week to learn what candle _actually_  reminds me of my girlfriend-”

“Wait, you talk about me on your vlog?”

“No-”

“Liar, show me show me show _me_ -”

“I’ll show you _something_ -”

The camera hits the floor and the recording cuts out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come talk to me about this au ahahahaha hawkeyesticks.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

"We’re back for another episode of Head a’ Candles. On today's vlog, I've got a friend of Clarke's by for a visit. Finn, how about you say hi?"

"Hey guys," he says with a cocky grin and a wave at the camera. "Great to be here."

Lexa suppresses a sigh and plasters on a smile. "So, Finn, how'd you and Clarke meet?"

"Well, we were introduced by a mutual acquaintance, and we actually dated for a couple weeks about half a year ago."

"You did," she states grimly, reaching for her box of matches and shaking one out into her palm. "Ah."

"Yeah, you didn't know? We decided we'd be better off as friends at the time, but I think we've been moving back towards becoming something more again lately."

"Fascinating." The match splinters in her fist, and she glances down for a moment to pull the shards of wood from her palm. "Absolutely fascinating. Wow." She nods over her shoulder towards the shelves of candles. "How about you pick out a scent you think you might like, and I'll move along with the introduction?"

"Alright, sounds cool." He spins his stool and pushes off, swaggering towards the wall with his thumbs tucked through his belt loops.

Lexa looks back towards the lens and drops her head into her hands, then lets out a low sigh. She smooths the lines from her forehead and opens her mouth to speak, but a crash from behind her interrupts her. Her head snaps around to find Finn standing over the wreckage of a candle jar, his hands still outstretched towards it.

"What did you drop?" His head comes up, and he glances towards her with fear in his eyes.

"Sorry, Lexa."

"Which one did you _drop_?" she growls, and he stumbles back a step when she stands from her chair.

"I'm sorry, I-" he crouches to check the label, "it was called Mountain Lodge."

"Did you just say you _dropped_ the _Mountain Lodge candle_?" she spits, looming over him.

"Bro, it's just a candle, chill."

"Just a candle? _Just_ a _candle_ ?! Do you know how difficult those are to find? I stocked up when they were first released because I fell in love with the scent, and then one stupid post on Tumblr and they're _impossible_ to locate. I don't _care_ how many straight girls want their houses to smell like Chris Evans or lumberjacks or whatever they think this scent is. I want my apartment to smell like a log cabin, like I'm about to sit down beside my fireplace with a steaming mug of hot chocolate in hand, but every time I try to buy more, they're sold out. I call every single Yankee Candle within a six hour radius on a biweekly basis. My brother and sister check out any store they pass for me. Nothing, nadda, zip. Mountain Lodge is basically my _signature scent_ , and you broke the last damn one I had."

Finn takes another couple steps back and raises his hands between them. "Uhh, maybe we could glue it back together?"

"'Maybe we could glue it back together'?! You _broke_ it, Finn. You ruined it." She covers her eyes with her hands and tips her head back, taking three deep breaths before she looks back at him. "Just… never mind. We'll talk about one of the discontinued Man Candles." She moves towards the bookcase opposite the camera and trails her fingers along the shelves. "Unfortunately, they don't have a scent called Fuckboi, so I guess Man Town will have to do."

"Uhh-"

She tugs the candle from its home with more force than strictly necessary and waves it at the camera as she moves back to her seat. "Man Town, discontinued by Yankee Candle. One of the worst Yankees I've ever smelled. It's like they dumped some cheap preteen cologne in wax and called it a day." She pulls the lid free and slides another match from the box, striking it off her thumbnail and setting the wick aflame. "What do you think of it, Finn?" She thrusts it towards him, almost striking him in the cheek.

"I think it's alright. It smells like a bit like Axe, and… rotten eggs…?" He pulls his head back to get a better look at the label. "Is it supposed to- oh, fuck, that wasn't the candle. Lexa, my hair's on fire. Help! Lexa, _help_!" He bats wildly at his head and Lexa almost drops the candle in shock, before pulling herself together and reaching under her desk for her compact fire extinguisher.

"Close your eyes," she warns, and then she pulls the trigger.

* * *

Lexa drags her fingertips across Clarke's back and leans to press a kiss to her cheek before she settles into the seat opposite Clarke.

Clarke glances up from her sketchbook just long enough to shoot her a grin, and then her pencil is back on the page. "Hey, babe. I thought you were filming with Finn today? I didn't think you'd be free for at least another hour."

"We had to cut it short. His hair caught on fire. Tragic, really."

Clarke hums her acknowledgment, and then the sentence sinks in. " _Lexa_."

She swipes Clarke's takeout cup from the table and takes a swig before grinning at her. "What? I didn't do anything!"

"So you didn't get angry at him over, say, jealousy, and then set him on fire 'accidentally' on purpose?"

"I didn't know I had anything to be jealous about."

"You don't, babe," Clarke says, toeing at Lexa's foot under the table. "He and I have been over for months, and in case you forgot, babe, I'm dating _you_. I didn't know he thought we were more than friends until he texted me telling me to keep my 'psycho best friend' away from him before you killed him."

"In all honesty, it _was_ an accident," she replies with a laugh, "and really, he should be thanking me. He's been in need of a haircut for a very, _very_  long while."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo come say hi on tumblr at the same username to chat about Lexa and her frickin candles


	4. Chapter 4

"Welcome back to another episode of Head a' Candles. Visiting today we've got Raven Reyes, genius and mechanic extraordinaire. Raven's here to talk about her favourite candle line from-"

"Yeah, no. That was actually a ploy, Lexa," Raven replies, lifting a heavily-packed bookbag into frame. "I thought we'd shake things up a bit." She unzips the bag, and Lexa leans over to take a peek at the contents.

Her horrified gasp is drowned out by Raven's laughter.

"And, yes, I meant shake literally." She hefts an aerosol can with a grin. "I know how much you love lighting things on fire, Lexie-Loo-"

"Don't call me that-"

"So I figured it was about time you learned the valuable life skill that is the manufacture of an aerosol flamethrower. For those of you following along at home-"

"Please don't follow along at home," Lexa chips in, pulling her miniature fire extinguisher from beneath her desk, "but if you do, ensure you've got an extinguisher at hand."

"Right, listen to the expert. We've got a firefighter over here, in case you didn't know. A bonafide badass."

"Thanks, Raven."

"Any time, Callaghan. You're a fucking boss. As I was saying, for anyone following along at home, this project requires two things. A flammable aerosol of your choosing, and an ignition source. In this case, I'm going with a can of AXE I stole from my asshole ex-boyfriend, and a lighter. Easy peasy, you probably already have these at home."

"But please do not try this in your home. My apartment is fully fire-proofed and I have fire extinguishers in every room."

"Yeah, like Lexa said, you can never be too careful, right? So, you take your aerosol and your lighter, and you just go like-"

\--

The camera pans up to an apartment building, curls of smoke still drifting from a window on the third floor. The video shakes as the camera is turned around, and then levels out as a distinctly eyebrow-less Lexa comes into frame.

"Note to self," she growls, "Raven is never invited back to film."

"I thought it would be fine," she says from offscreen, and Lexa fixes her with a glare.

"So, despite literally everything inside there _except_ the candles being fire-proofed, Raven somehow managed to set my apartment on fire."

"Callaghan!" The camera whirls to where a woman storms towards them from the smoking building.

"Shit, Indra. Well, this just got even better. My own firehouse was called to the scene. This is the most embarrassed I think I've ever been."

"Well, maybe you should've taught your viewers how to make an aerosol flamethrower earlier. Ever think about that?"

"Reyes." She clenches her jaw and lets out a slow breath. "This has been a public service announcement episode of Head a' Candles. Don't make aerosol flamethrower at home, kids, and don't let Raven Reyes near anything that could possibly catch flame. Thanks for joining us, and see you next week." The video is a jumble as she flips the camera about in her hand.

"Odds Clarke still bangs you even without eyebrows?"

" _Reyes_ -"


End file.
